Perhaps you have wondered about the reason for the title of my blog.
Abraham Lincoln was the first president to be assassinated, and his death signified the tragic end to the bloody conflict of the Civil War. Ironically his death served to cement the union, the freedom of the slaves, the power of his ideas and choices. His death turned him into a more powerful figure than he had ever been.
The day Abraham Lincoln was shot, policy didn't change. For all practical purposes nothing about the state of the union changed. Nothing but the people. It changed the way the country saw what they had been through for the past four years, and in a strange way, gave closure to it. It didn't change America through laws, boundaries or policies. It changed American's minds.
In a small, petty way, that's what this blog has been for my life. February 23, 2010 was not the day that I changed, it was the day that I changed the way you see me.
I haven't changed. I'm the same person I ever was. I've been searching for what is right and true my entire life. I try to live the best way I know how. I make mistakes. I learn and change my tactics. I've learned a lot in the last few years.
I've learned how to be humble. A few years ago I was a snotty-ass little kid who new better than everyone else about God, religion, the world (of which I knew practically nothing), life (of which I had experienced practically nothing), and myself. Now I know better. Now I don't prance around pretending to understand Islamic people and why my country and my beliefs are so infinitely better. I don't even pretend to understand the drunk on the street corner, or the homeless guy and why he's homeless.
And I don't pretend to understand you, dear reader. I know that your beliefs are probably different than mine, but you have a right to those beliefs. You have a right to your experiences. You have a right to the experiences you haven't had and the lessons you've yet to learn.
You have a right to the journey of your life, to your sorrows and triumphs, and no one should tell you otherwise.
I have received a lot of responses to this blog. Most of these have been loving and encouraging and I want to say THANK YOU. My Uncle Derrick called me the next day to tell me how brave he thinks I am, and how excited he is to read every post. He even offered to call my parents and try to explain to them what a wonderful thing my blog is, in case they didn't know.
I received emails from people who haven't been a part of my life in years. Some to say, "Good for you. I'm sorry we lost touch. I hope you are happy." And some to say, "I'm sorry you've lost touch, I hope you fix your life." As if it's this broken thing.
But there was no response so heart-wrenching (not even the call from my crying mother) as the comment from my brother-in-law. Now, we exchange about two sentences a year. I don't think that we are close. I don't think that he has any interest in being close. However, he felt that he needed to make his disapproval known, and to let me know that if I continue down the path that I have been treading, I will no longer be allowed to see my nephew.
I don't know what to say. What price is worth paying? Should I just keep my mouth shut?
-KL
dont keep your mouth shut. i grew up very similarly to yourself, and it is people like us who need to speak up... the people who need to hear it the most wont listen (as im sure you or i wouldnt have at one point in our lives) but maybe there are some out there who are starting to feel the way we felt at our ultra conservative colleges, which was completely stifled and unsatisfied that this was life. the be all and end all. i still am a christian, but believe that the bible is interpretable and that christians are passing down beliefs that are contrary to the message of love, which is the complete point of the bible. (cont)
ReplyDelete(cont) i am also a lesbian, and see no conflicts with my faith after having researched what the bible really says about homosexuality, which, ironically, isnt much. another thing i think about is how anyone in history, biblical and otherwise, who made a difference in the world, questioned authority. jesus and his followers completely questioned their leaders. and how many of these "on-fire" christians would follow christ if they lived back in those times? somehow i wonder if they would refuse to listen to him, and blindly listen to what the leaders in their church were saying.
ReplyDelete3) the only times jesus was ever angry, was when he went to church. i love your blog, keep it up. ill be reading. liz (lillies friend)
ReplyDeleteI lover you boofer.
ReplyDeleteLiz, Thanks so much for your comment! I can't tell you how encouraging your perspective is. A friend of Lillie's is a friend of mine :)
ReplyDeleteWell, I'm glad I wasn't the first to say something.
ReplyDeleteI was going to say one thing to you're inquiry of keeping your, "...mouth shut."
No.
No, and -- what path is your brother in law going down, by doing that? (rhetorical question)... I don't believe his choices in these matters are the right ones, and therein are following the wrong path(s). -- Especially when it's you, Kelly. -- I mean, come on... -- A lot of people would do something drastic to have you as the aunt.
Maybe the next time you see him, you'll have found a quote from the Bible (they're easy to look up, online) that gives good reason as to why that is? -- One could be, "Judge not...".
Peace.
Re the brother-in-law: don't negotiate with (emotional) terrorists. It only emboldens them.
ReplyDeleteMore seriously, if he follows through with his threat (does your sister have no say in this?), one day your brother-in-law will have to look his adult son in the eyes and explain to him that his father completely cut his aunt out of his life because she once wrote a blog post that used some "bad" words. That conversation may not go so well for your brother-in-law.
Hi, Kelly -
ReplyDeleteAre the cherry trees in bloom in Boise? They are here in Washington. Every year at this time, I recall this poem by A.E. Housman, which I learned when I had seen fewer than twenty springs.
Loveliest of trees, the cherry now
Is hung with bloom along the bough,
And stands about the woodland ride
Wearing white for Eastertide.
Now, of my threescore years and ten,
Twenty will not come again,
And take from seventy springs a score,
It only leaves me fifty more.
And since to look at things in bloom
Fifty springs are little room,
About the woodlands I will go
To see the cherry hung with snow.
I hope everyone is enjoying Spring as much as I am.
Uncle Derrick
I second what this John Jones character said. That's pretty much what I wanted to say to you on the phone yesterday but apparently I was too upset in your honor to deal with eloquence. Well said, John Jones!
ReplyDeleteKelly,
ReplyDeleteI promise to write a more in-depth comment later, but I wanted to let you know I have enjoyed reading your blog thus far. I find myself relating a lot to your feelings toward a Christian college experience. Instead of gaining real friends, I was left hurt because I didn't fit into the mold most students did. I loved what you said about diversity spurring growth. I can't agree more with that statement. I have so many other points I want to comment on, but I have to finish a paper up for my class in an hour. :)
So, I will leave you with a giant hug that stretches across the states to you. Keep writing. And, I'll keep reading.
Love,
Sarah