Ricky Gervais at the Golden Globes

 I'm ashamed to admit it, but I thought that Ricky Gervais had lost his teeth. After The Invention of Lying, I thought that Gervais went soft to get rich in America. All of the dense awkward moments and offensive humor from The Office was gone and replaced with a Hollywood rom-com, trite and translucent.

I'm not a big fan of awards ceremonies anyway, so I figured this year's Golden Globes would be the same old celebrity masturbation with Gervais hosting. But, no. He brutalized them.  He bashed the celebrities for their swept-under-the-rug foibles. He mocked the entire supercilious proceeding. He criticized the American people for their disinterest in anything beyond their borders.

Relax, everyone. Ricky Gervais is still a badass.

From Reverence to Rape: Tilda Swinton's Labia

Luca Guandagnino's I Am Love is the classic tale of an aristocratic woman, Emma, played by Tilda Swinton, who is oppressed by her domestic duty to an unloving and absent husband. Who can release her from her life of stifling luxury and expectation? A man! A man who's rescued many damsels in chick flicks and romance novels, the sensitive beefcake: Antonio.

This Isn't a Religion Blog

When did I stop believing in God with a capital 'G'?

I haven't stopped wanting the stability and purpose and comfort that religion offers, but I don't want those things at the cost of the wide world and its possibilities. I will not trade my fears and insecurities for compulsory shut down of my reason on matters of politics, evolution, social justice, and science.

It's not a fair trade.

So instead, I settle for a loose and ambiguous spirituality. It is far less comforting to me in times of despair, but, in choosing to cope with the occasional destabilization, I keep the full scope of possibility in which I can enjoy and love this life (and the plants, animals and persons who share it with me).

Outside of the restriction of organized religion, I have infinite range for my appetites, imagination and humanity - more freedom with which to devour this life and learn its surprising lessons. Whatever comes after, this mortal life is likely the only one I'm going to get and should not be wasted by the second, hour, day, or year.

My reality and my ideology were at war for the first twenty years of my life. Now I discard the ideology and choose to live in the sublime technicolor now.

I am not an atheist, but I reject religion.

Thrift Store Fashion Shoot

Nicole modeling, me taking pictures. We didn't save the price tags, so I'm not sure what everything cost, but I can tell you that the average item price was five dollars, and nothing cost more than ten. We also used a few items from our existing wardrobes.

Revamping the Blog

Here's the thing: my philosophy about religion and all metaphysical topics is this....

Experiences are more important than philosophies.

I want to experience life and learn as I go. I don't want to set up another set of maxims for myself just to tear them down later. I don't want to replace religion with evolution or atheism, because it's just another idealogical cage. I want to be free to learn as I go. I want my beliefs to be bound by reason, but fluid in that reason can always overthrow them.

All that to say, I don't want to write a blog about religion and philosophy. I want to live my life.

Occasionally, I will want to sort out ideas of eternal significance. Sometimes, coming from a religious home, I feel like I still have to translate in my own mind: this is what I used to believe - this is what I believe now. It's kind of like learning a second language. It takes a couple years before you can think in French without translating from English in your head.

Similarly, when you accept a certain set of beliefs from birth, it is not easy to stop seeing the world through that lens. It still requires force of mind. This blog has been very helpful for me in organizing some of those thoughts and struggles, but now I want it to take on another purpose.

I would rather blog about my life and passions: crochet, music, fashion, and embracing the poor artist that I have chosen to be.

I think I'll keep the name the same.

-KL

Aw Shucks

First observation: my mouth tastes like ass. Perhaps this is because I ate rice and sang soon thereafter. I don't know why, I just feel like that was a bad idea.

Second observation: I am working on every song except the one that I have a deadline on. I promised to contribute a song to this not-for-profit compilation album and, so far, all I have done is name the file: "Blind Spots." Yes. I have a song called "Blind Spots" and it is about our cultural blind spots as well as my personal blind spots.

...

I was going to go to Story Story Night tonight, but Jason has the car. He's playing video games with his gentleman friend.

My excellent friend, Jessica Holmes, started Story Story Night as Boise's counterpart to the Moth. Dan and I did a story for them (that was podcasted on the 22nd) about getting robbed in Sacramento. It's all about fantastical fandanglings and some such nonsense.

That's right! Story Story Night has a podcast, so I don't have to be super bummed about missing Story Story Night for the millionth time. I get to listen to it later on their awesome podcast.

Thank you for reading.

-KL

Remembrances

I turn 25 next Thursday. I haven't been dwelling on this. In fact, I've given it little thought. But now that fingers touch keys, it forces it's way out. This is my first year as an adult that I am ready to be an adult. This is the first time that I realize that I am not caught in a whirlwind of rampant, catastrophic change that will pass so I can start my life. Life is a whirlwind of rampant, catastrophic change, and if I wait for it to pass, I will be the one passing.

In November 2006, I was still at the Master's College in Santa Clarita, CA. I burned an effigy of Guy Fawkes in front of my dormitory on the 5th and was given strange looks. My personal journal entries are flecked with passages from the bible, and accounts of a spiritual struggle: