Welcome to Blogsville, you stupid cunt.

I'm the stupid cunt, by the way. Not you.

I am a stupid cunt because I didn't start a blog four years ago. If I had, it would be a perfect chronicle of what I desperately (fruitlessly) try to explain to people: how I got from Point A to Point B. Three years ago I was a Christian College student at one of the most conservative colleges in the non-Islamic world. Now I use the word cunt.

Three years ago I would have told you that I never expected to be drunk ever, high ever, or have sex before marriage (possibly ever, considering all the primo dating at NUN-U). Now? Done that, am that, and plan to do that the moment my boyfriend gets home (if I can coax him into it.)

Three years ago I felt judged and ostracized from the people I was supposed to belong to: God's People. The Bride of Christ. The Evangelical Church. I loved God. I was sincere in my faith and sincere in my conviction that others should too. Now? Well, now I've got a lot of explaining to do.

And I haven't explained. I haven't explained to my parents, sisters, to my ex-friends from my ex-life as a Christian. I haven't explained to my boyfriend about that ex-life. And, to a certain extent, I haven't explained to myself. I haven't told myself to calm down, that it's okay, that I'm allowed to change my mind without being a hypocrite. I haven't told myself that I'm not a stupid cunt.

So, let's make a blog about it, shall we? I'm going to explain. For some reason, I feel that even the people who would detest* me if they knew what I've become, will read this ravenously. It will be like a train-wreck when you just can't look away.

See you tomorrow for the carnage.

-KL

*They won't detest me, they'll LOVE me with the love of God while they hate my sin and everything I believe. (Which is the same fucking thing!!)